Synopsis:

With more than 600 impious subtitles and minus heaps of violence and miracles, this godsploitation edit breathes new life into the story of Jesus's death.

Intentions:

Through the magic of subtitling, Jesus's last hours are retold from a skeptical perspective with Dungeons & Dragons sensibility, dashes of absurdity, and plenty of questions. This ain't your grandma's messianic tale.

Change List:

Added: - More than 600 new subtitles which tell an alternate story - Custom end credits Removed: - Miraculous ear reattachment and its aftermath - A touch of priestly violence - Judas’s return of payment (too late, dude) - Some of the devil children scenes - Mary’s telepathic communion with incarcerated Jesus - The visit to King Herod’s court - Heaps of violence and sadism - Demonic midget, awesome though he is - Crown of thorns being smacked into place - Centurions spitting on Jesus - Mary and Mary Magdalene’s janitorial services - Flashback stoning of a hottie - Much of the cross walk and related torment - Young Jesus tumbling, helicopter mom - The sympathetic lady who shows off Jesus’s bloody facial print - The outrage of Simon of Cyrene - Mary, Mary Magdalene, and John arriving at Golgotha - Nail hammering - Shoulder dislocation - More hammering - The floating crucifix miracle (some miracle; Jesus still dies) - Much of the cross-raising scene and the accompanying triumphant music - Soldiers enjoying a diversion - Jesus receiving moisture - Earthquake, temple rift, holy lance scene, Pharisees freaking out - Jesus takedown and the motherly camera staredown - Resurrection and the accompanying triumphant music.

Additional Notes:

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Other Sources:

"The Moon Song" by Mushroom Lounge

Special Thanks:

Special thanks: To Ballerina for pondering the infinite, blueyoda and Dwight Fry for the encouragement, Neglify for the subtitle tweaks, Captain Khajiit for kungfu-master technical guidance, Gatos and Neglify and blueyoda for reviewing the workprint and educating me on the art of fanediting, TMBTM for inspiring me to meddle with subtitles, and to reave for being reave. To addiesin, Brumous, thecuddlyninja, dangermouse, DominicCobb, Garp, jswert12345, MackerelSkyLtd, ThrowgnCpr, TM2YC, TV’s Frink, Vultural, and yoshif8tures. And to Mel Gibson and company for telling the story in Aramaic and Latin instead of English. Cover imagery by Banksy, Vectorportal, and Paramount Pictures.